A warm smile is the universal language of kindness.William Arthur Ward
Hi, I’m Jessica
A month before my 37th birthday I found out that I was 16 weeks pregnant. A month later Hurricane Harvey devastated the Gulf Coast of Texas, including, our county. Our city was underwater, Southeast Texas was under water, and my house was under water. Thankfully my Mother’s house nor my Mother in law’s house flooded, and I had a safe place to stay.
They were lucky. Most people lost everything, and I mean everything. It was a nightmare, but our community pulled through it.
I soon found out that I had a Single Umbilical Artery, a basket ball sized cyst on my ovary, (no wonder I looked like I was carrying twins!), and this gnarly rash on my body, probably from my skin stretching so fast. I gained 90 lbs. (I had a 6.6lb baby) I was so ready to have that baby! And soon I’m sent to the hospital, told that I have pre-eclampsia, and we were about to due an emergency C-section. Oh My-Lanta!
My baby came right after Thanksgiving, she was a month early but she was healthy. I, on the other hand, was falling apart. When they took her they planned on removing the cyst, however, they discovered that it was actually on my kidney so they were not prepared to do it. I had to undergo a bazillion tests, the baby was released two or three days before I was! I was still extremely swollen, in a ridiculous amount of pain, and I felt like the baby and I were not bonding at all.
My Doctor prescribed antidepressants and I began taking them the day we got home. A week later I went to have my staples removed and I was sent back to the hospital. The pressure from the cyst had caused a wound dehiscence. It was time for my second spinal in less than two weeks, a wound debridement, five more days in the hospital, and 3 months of recovery. Immediately following I had a partial kidney removal and the cyst drained. By the time it was over my baby would be about 8 months old, and less than two months later PPD and loneliness took over my life.
I eventually reached out but no one really took me serious.
Some even suggested I get a job to cure my loneliness.
I was not able to get my medicine back on track after the last surgery and it was very scary. AS I attempted to get well, we realized that I had been suffering with major depression for a long, long time, which made sense to me.
One year ago I began extensive research surrounding depression. This helped me understand what I was going through much better, and throughout time I’ve been able to pull myself out of the nightmare I was living in . I implemented several activities into my daily routine, picked up a couple of positive reads, and ultimately focused on the amazing baby I had been blessed with. Zoe is 27 months old now, crazy smart, and the light in my life.
Motherhood is stressful enough without PPD. It’s tiring, lonely, and just plain hard sometimes. After years and years of feeling absolutely horrible, I’m starting to feel good again. To all of the Mom’s out there struggling, with or without PPD, you are not alone. Please don’t hesitate to reach out.